I am Mozart. Although young humans who don't know me think I am Beethoven.

I am a Saint Bernard, born October 8, 1996. All real French dogs born in 1996 have names beginning with M. So I could not be Beethoven, could I? Just be grateful they did not call me Mahler.

I weigh about 90 kg (200lbs or 14 stone) but I am not at all fat. I am just rather big, very muscly, handsome and fun. Some humans are afraid of me, so to reassure them I jump on them to get them on the ground and then give them a big slobbery kiss.

I have a family of five slaves. They are nice but they say obvious things like: "Aren't you a big dog!" or "What a lovely boy!". Slaves are not very interesting but they're useful. Some slaves give me biscuits and cakes and others take me on tourist trips.

I live in a little town called Le Grand Pressigny in the heart of South Touraine. Le Grand Pressigny has a population of about 1000 and it is right in the middle of France where the rivers Claise and Aigronne meet. They say that it is the third most important flint tool site in the world, but that does not mean much to me: there are very few cavemen left these days.

I love paddling in the rivers and the smells along the paths and round the trees are fascinating - ahhh the country life.